Life Lessons

Been a long time since I’ve blogged about anything, so much has happened in the last few months that I haven’t had the time or the inclination. I’m not one to cry the blues or throw a pity party, but it’s been a season of extreme loss and deep grief as I said my last goodbyes to my big brother and my dear mother who both died of cancer within two weeks of each other. In the last 8 years I have lost 5 family members to cancer and even though I knew the inevitable was going to happen, it still managed to steal my breath away.  So this latest sock to the stomach threatened to knock me down for the count. But with faith and determination I sucked it up and got back on my feet. I put a smile on my face and kept it there until I felt it. That’s what my mother would have told me to do; “fake it till you make it”, and I did—I made it. Not that I don’t still feel grief—I feel it to the depths of my soul. This journey is far from over—but it is a journey—I’m moving through it.  And as I do, I’m gaining new insights about myself and seeing glimpses of bright light break through the clouds of my “new normal”. 

Now introducing…the NEW me! It’s the old me only new and improved. I am deeper, yet lighter. I’ve offloaded the weight of the inconsequential to run with intensity towards the more meaningful. My friend Pepper, who recently lost her mother, posted a note on Facebook that said, “Just hit me that I have lived, lost, and loved. Instead of looking at what I've lost or missed, I'm realizing that without the living and the losing, I wouldn't know love. I'm lucky.”  Well said, Pep! It’s obvious that she too has been drawn towards the deeper, more meaningful priorities in life. She honors her mother by doing so. And I plan to honor my family by doing the same. 

I rejoice in my inheritance. I celebrate the lives of those who have gone before me. I want to honor them by living life to the fullest—not taking it for granted and not sweating the small stuff. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want to sweat the big stuff anymore. I know that life is unpredictable and we do not know how long we have on this earth. I see the world not from a fatalist point of view or a “one step closer to God” point of view, but from the standpoint that I was put on this earth for a reason—to love God and love people—to love them in a way that is uniquely me. I believe that anything is possible, that happiness is a choice that blessings and beauty abound everywhere—you only need eyes to see them.

Sometimes it takes an incredible loss to open one’s eyes to reality. Though I grieve for the loss of my loved ones, I am grateful that God has opened my eyes to see His heavenly perspective. It’s true that life will never be the same. The moment my loved ones were birthed into a new life in heaven, I was birthed into a new life of my own—and this “new normal” is whatever I choose to make it. So I’m choosing joy and celebration. I’m choosing to accept love and give love. I’m choosing to surround myself with happy people. I’m choosing to not get caught up in the “shoulds” but to experience the infinite possibilities of the “coulds”. I’m choosing gratitude even in the sad times. I’m choosing freedom to feel both joy and sorrow, and not to feel guilty for either. I’m choosing to lighten my load and lean not on my own understanding. I’m choosing to believe that there is something better in my future. I’m choosing life. Thank you, Mom, Dad, Peter, Aunty Joanie, and Toni for teaching me how.